Little Failures, Big Revelations
A brief backstory on deciding to be a photographer.
In 2018 I interviewed to be the Executive Assistant to the CEO at a consumer products company. After a few exercises aimed at identifying my ability to prioritize a list of tasks and scenarios, something I still struggle with, I met with the CEO for thirty minutes. It was a painful interview. The CEO poignantly asked about my interest in photography, remarking how prevalent it was scattered throughout my CV. Regrettably, I dismissed photography as a “hobby”. The conversation left me feeling viscerally sick to my stomach. At the time I knew I wanted a career shift, as I was currently selling suits on the road to men’s stores across the Southeast United States. Unsurprisingly, I didn’t get the job. My ill-feeling emotional response led me to write the company, partially to apologize, but mainly to thank them for clarifying to me that what I wanted is to be a photographer, not a manager of their executive’s calendar—which I would have been terrible at. This was the first in a long series of learnings and little epiphanies leading me closer to understanding my own desires.
A year ago, two years into pursing photography full-time, I was rummaging through a closet at my parents’ home. Buried deep in a plastic bin was a tattered, glittered dusted keepsake from the third grade (since my mom saves everything I make). To my surprise, written on it was, “careers for me…sports player, scientist, or a photographer”. Even 9-year-old me considered the possibility, something I had no recollection of.
The fear of failure has held me in contempt, just like my interview. Too concerned about others watching me think I’m a photographer and not measuring up. It’s a pretty self-absorbed way to think. As I shed my ego, I need to remember what I like to remind the guy in the bathroom at a wedding fretting over a stain on his tux, “No one’s looking at you”. Wise words to remind yourself of, especially when going after what you want.
Banksy at Bowery, March, 2018. One of my first street photographs capturing Banksy priming his mural. An image that I fondly look back on pushing my interest in photography.
Photo Credit: Street Art News. March 16, 2018.